Humble Beginnings

I'm sorry I haven't added anything in a while. If anyone was actually disappointed, here's something to appease you until tomorrow. Its the first animation I've ever made. I was much younger and foolish then, but I'm still proud of it.

The Government is Lying

It's Just Walken

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Accidents Happen

How to get people to respect you

Solitude

Confession

Nobody's perfect, and I'll be the first to admit that. This isn't exactly easy for me to say, but sometimes... I use puns. But don't worry too much, I am seeking professional help. But I also believe my transgressions have given me the opportunity to ensure that others do not make the same mistake.

I know how you all think. I know sometimes you're at a party, and everyone is using puns, and you don't want look like a total tool, so you say a pun or two yourself. You're thinking "Oh its just a couple puns, I can stop whenever I want". And that's what you'll keep telling yourself. But puns are a gateway comedic literary device, pretty soon you might find yourself using similes, extended metaphors, or (God forbid) limericks. And I don't want to see anyone throwing their whole life away on the streets giving hand jobs for limericks.

So I've decided to do a public service and have made these posters for you all to print out and spread the word on the dangers of pun use.

And they say chivalry is dead.

Knighthood

I won't go as far as to say I look forward to a time when the Queen of England is in danger. But I am curious to see how things work out if she ever needed to call upon her knights, Elton John, Ian Mckellen, Sean Connery, and etc., to defend her.

Philanthropy

Someone had complained to me about getting a C+ in chemistry the other day. I thought she should of been ashamed. There are villages in Somalia that could live off a C+ for an entire year. Some are so impoverished that they don't have access to any of the alphabet and must resort to only making clicking noises.

Xenophobia

It was Mutual

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Long-term relationships with beholders only work out about 40% of the time. In fact dating anyone from the Core Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual will most likely just lead to heartbreak. The sex isn't all that great anyway.

It's the lag

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Why I hate facebook

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No I don't want to know what character in Harry Potter I am.

Thespian

You. Yeah you, the guy on the tv show, acting like you're playing video games. You're doing it wrong. No one uses the shoulder buttons that much. And stop tilting from side to side. That isn't a wii. Thank you.

Screenplay

Missionary

Faith

Mutualism

Huzzah

Evolution

Well I've figured out why we as Human Beings need to sleep.
To prevent us from going to Taco Bell. No matter what, every time you stay up till 2 am or so, you will ALWAYS crave Taco Bell. Sleep is just our natural defense against poor quality meat and genetically-altered corn tortillas.

Ethics

I'm not bald, but I am lazy.

Number Association

Alright here's a little personality test for you all.
I will give a number, and you respond with a number that it makes you think of.

1. 3,768
2. 2,500,000
3. 24
4. 100
5. 9999
6. 60,400
7. VII
8. 12.22201
9. 101
10.2,353,221,200



Answers (highlight to show):


1. 10
2. 44
3. 2000
4. 2001
5. 60,238,122
6. 10,000,000,000,000,000,001
7. 3.14159265358979323
8. 3/12
9. 522.11
10. 710


Results:
10 Correct - You are a passive aggressive extravert
7-9 Correct - You love animals
4-6 Correct - You are a compulsive liar
2-3 Correct - You can do a backflip
1 Correct - You should apologize for that thing you did to her cat
0 Correct - SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY

Swangin'

Public Service Announcement

Alright, so I went to Taco Bell the other day. And I ordered one of those crunchwrap supremes, but then the cashier just says, "REAAAGGHHWWWKK." Which definitely raised an eyebrow, for me at least. But upon closer examination, it turned out the cashier wasn't a cashier at all. It was a Pterodactyl! I took some time trying to wrap my head around this, when it all suddenly dawned on me. I wasn't at Taco Bell at all. I was in the JURRASSIC PERIOD. So guys(and gals), next time you go to Taco Bell. Make sure you are actually walking into Taco Bell, not some other geologic era.

Human Achievement

So I thought of an invention. It'd be like a sled. You know the kind you use to slide down hills when its snowing. Except instead of a regular sled, you could use it in the summer time too. And instead of being a sled shape, it'd be a disc. But instead of using the disc to slide down a hill, you insert this disc into a dvd player, and it will play a video of people having sex with each other on your TV. I'll call it a defibrillator.

Self-Defense

I feel completely safe walking alone at night. I know Feng Shui. Anyone that messes with me will be completely out of zen by the time I'm through with them. Good luck attaining non-discriminatory awareness after that Mr. Mugger.

Clairvoyance

If you haven't noticed, fortune cookies are boring. They are so vague and general that they could easily apply to anybody. And most of the time they aren't even fortunes, just sayings and words of wisdom. I know we've all fantasized about this at some point. But If I could write my own fortune cookie fortunes, they would all be oddly specific. Like "Duck!" or "You should go with the red comforter, it totally goes with the drapes and it would really tie the room together."

The More You Know

Baby Names

It's final. I've decided when/if I get a son/daughter his/her name will be Weapon X. No matter how much my wife contests. He would be the coolest kid in school. Everyone would want to hang out with Weapon X. Wouldn't you? Not to mention he would always be picked first for kickball ("Thats right, we got Weapon X on our team, now what are you going to do?") And a name like that will subconsciously give him all the confidence he needs to be awesome at everything. Do your son/daughter a favor and name him/her Weapon X, he will thank you for the rest of his life.

Does God Exist?

*********SPOILER ALERT!**********




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Maybe

Alter Ego

My alter ego is an inanimate object. Occasionally, I will lie down and do nothing for long periods of time.

I've been accepted

So this is what I received today.

Congratulations! Your film, "Winston Churchill Overdrive," has been selected to be screened at the Homegrown Film Festival!

You are eligible to win an 8GB Ipod Nano if your film is judged by our panel to be the best in the Animation category. The Film Festival event will take place on Friday, April 4th in the Worsham Theater in the Student Center.

Basically my film has been selected to be screened at the Student Film Festival at my college. (The University of Kentucky). I'm pretty excited (even though I know its rubbish, and I only had 2 weeks to complete it) If anyone wants to see it. Here it is. http://youtube.com/watch?v=RTY8lRfYITY

Skittles

So I was ready to go to bed at around midnight last night. Completely exhausted, I could hardly keep my eyes open. But before I rested I decided to have a few skittles. After that I couldn't sleep until 6 am. I am now convinced that Skittles are the equivalent to methamphetamines. I may have been the first, but I surely won't be the last to realize this. It won't be long until you'll find people buying red dye #40 and will be caramelizing sugar in their kitchens; attempting to make homemade skittles (which is dangerous because they aren't chemists) and they will sell them to minors without shame.

Constructive Deception

I think its time we upload videos to youtube entitled Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up. However when they click on the link, they find out they have been swindled and its actually something informative and interesting.

So I started a blog

I'm not usually one for blogs, but I figured it'd be a neat way to organize my thoughts, so here I am.